A day of rest
by Clearwater Riverstone
Summary: What happens when Fanfiction gets into Varda's hands?


A brown-haired being sat on a wooden chair, his forehead creased in concentration as he stared at the chess board in front of him. In front of him a smug ebony-haired being watched him as he struggled to move his next piece. Finally, with a smile of satisfaction, the being with the brown hair moved his rook forward a few paces. Frowning, and not expecting such a move, it was the other's turn to try and guess what his opponent was planning.

He moved his hand forward and was about to move his knight when his wife stormed in.

"Manwë! You simply must read this! Irmo doesn't believe me when I say this is ridiculous and entirely impossible!" Varda complained before she shoved a stack of paper in front of his face.

"Not now love, I'm busy," Manwë answered. He snorted in frustration when he realised he had lost his train of thought. The Valar opposite him grinned.

"Had enough yet Manwë?"

"Be silent Mandos!"

Varda looked between them both, noting her husband's frustration and Mandos' arrogant demeanour. She blinked then asked incredulously, "Mandos is actually winning?"

"Is there anything wrong with that Varda?" Mandos asked as he started to bristle. (without hair of course)

"Oh nothing," she continued innocently, "only that you NEVER win."

Mandos looked ready to protest but Manwë interrupted him. He had wanted to play chess so he could relieve his stress of watching over whole of Valinor (though he didn't really do much), not spend his time listening to squabbling Valar.

"Would you two please be quiet so I can think?" he broke in irritably. The two other Valar soon fell silent, not wanting to upset him. Everyone knew how he was when he was angry. Remembering her stack of papers, Varda shoved it in front of Manwë's face again.

"Read it," Varda persisted.

Manwë glared at her, but if there's one thing you should know about the mightiest of the Valar, it's that he was unable to refuse Varda anything. Sighing in defeat, he took the papers from his beloved wife and started to scan through them. About halfway through, his eyes widened and he jumped up before throwing the papers on the floor, scattering them.

"What IS that?" Manwë asked, sounding close to screaming. Varda calmly bent down to pick the papers up before replying simply, "Fanfiction."

"I've heard of those. It's ridiculous stories of Middle-earth and its inhabitants," Mandos stated curiously, trying to get a better look at the stack.

"Was," Varda corrected.

"Was?" he said, his voice puzzled.

"Was. It seems the terrible Fanfiction authors have made one about us," Varda explained.

Mandos' eyes widened in excitement. "Really? Why don't you read it out loud so we can both listen?"

"That was what I was planning to do…unless you want to take the initiative Manwë?" Varda asked her husband.

Manwë shook his head I terror, his eyes darting to the open door. Sensing his thoughts, Varda quickly closed the door and sat on a chair near it.

"Oh no, my dear. Eru just made me listen and I'm afraid you will have to suffer with me. So be a good boy and sit still and listen," Varda cooed.

Not wanting to listen, but afraid of incurring his wife's wrath, he sat down again in his chair. Mandos looked at him curiously. "Surely it can't be that bad."

Manwë wanted to say it was but Varda had already started reading.

"**Once, there lived a girl. She was the most beautiful girl the world had ever seen. Her hair was like spun diamond and when the light caught it just right; it would appear translucent and opaque at once." **

Varda paused for breath.

"Is that even possible?" Mandos asked.

Varda shrugged before saying, "Well it seems like it is, according to this story."

**"Her eyes were the colours of a rainbow, changing colour whenever her mood changed."**

Mandos and Manwë just blinked, not needing to say anything to express their thoughts of how ridiculous that was. Varda continued.

**"Her skin was very pale, like the white shores of the whitest beach and she was as tall as a young sapling."**

**"**Not even past the first few paragraphs of the story and she has already run out of adjectives to describe her character? Seriously, 'white shores of the whitest beach'?" Manwë asked.

Varda just looked at him and gave him a sweet smile dripping with malice. "I didn't think you would complain husband. Is she not good enough for you?"

Said Valar cringed and shifted further away from her. Mandos looked confused but wisely decided not to interfere.

Then her eyes hardened and she said icily, "I didn't like this part very much."

Manwë let out a whimper, having read that part and knowing what had caused his love's ire.

**"She was so beautiful that everyone fell in love with her when they first saw her, including Manwë, the greatest of the Valar."**

As she said this, she turned her cold gaze on Manwë, who was burying his head in his hands.

"Is this true, darling?" she asked with such sugar in her voice that it made Manwë shiver, shrinking in on himself. Mandos looked at him in understanding.

"So that's why you screamed."

Turning her gaze back to the papers, she continued to read.

"**In fact Manwë was****_ so_**** in love with her he couldn't stop thinking about her and even decided to divorce with his wife, Vardar, so he could win her love."**

"I thought your name doesn't have an additional 'r' behind?" Mandos asked.

"Of course it DOESN'T! But this human obviously doesn't care!" Varda shouted at him. Mandos cowered under her glare and gestured for her to continue. Manwë let out a wail of despair and covered his ears.

But Varda, who was determined to make him suffer, just increased her volume so he could hear.

**"Intent on gaining her love, he gave her many gifts, all which she accepted though his love was not returned."**

Manwë's hopes lifted. Maybe he would give up and reconcile with his wife.

"**But he didn't give up."**

His hopes were cruelly dashed and he slumped his shoulders in defeat.

**"In fact, she only made him more determined to win her love. He soon sought help from the other Valar and they agreed to help him, though some also wanted her for themselves."**

**"**Why do I have a feeling I'm one of them?" Mandos muttered.


End file.
